Eh hello Singapore! Growing up here, we all kena some traditions that make us say, “Huh? Why like that?” But which ones are we determined to *kena* rid of for good? Let’s talk about the traditions we’re breaking free from, one *kiasu* generation at a time!
Traditions on Chopping Block
- Corporal Punishment
For me it would be teaching through fear/corporal punishment towards children. Parents strongly believed in the cane growing up and we got caned often for the smallest things. I feel like this promotes violence as a solution growing up to a problem and causes children to stay quiet about any problems they may face.
Many Singaporeans are questioning the effectiveness and emotional impact of caning. While it was once a common disciplinary method, there’s a growing awareness of its potential to cause long-term harm. Child psychology experts emphasize positive reinforcement and communication over physical punishment. Singapore has seen a 20% increase in calls to child protection hotlines in recent years, suggesting a greater awareness of child abuse issues.
- Kids as Retirement Plans
The expectation that children are obligated to financially support their parents in their old age is fading. With the rising cost of living in Singapore and the availability of CPF and other retirement schemes, many young Singaporeans feel less pressure to be their parents’ sole retirement plan. However, this shift can lead to family tensions, especially when expectations aren’t clearly communicated. Many feel this is outdated with 99% of Singaporeans now having CPF.
The mindset that kids are your retirement plan and they owe you a living.
- Gender Inequality
Telling young girls that their past, current and future are all tied to men. My mom believes in that and my dad talked proudly when I was there. 女人三从四德, follow the father, the husband and the son. Girls can have their own aspirations and ambitions. This also extends to empowering more girls in non Chinese families as well.
Traditional gender roles are increasingly challenged as Singaporean women pursue higher education and careers. There’s a growing movement towards gender equality, advocating for equal opportunities and challenging outdated expectations. While progress has been made, biases still exist, and many Singaporean women still face subtle forms of discrimination. Many Singaporeans are pushing back against the idea that a woman’s worth is tied to marriage or motherhood. 75% of graduates are now women.
Challenges We Face, Lah
- Breaking Generational Trauma
Many Singaporeans grapple with inherited trauma, stemming from strict parenting styles or societal pressures. The challenge lies in recognizing these patterns and actively working to break them. This requires self-awareness, therapy, and a willingness to challenge deeply ingrained beliefs. Some even joke about avoiding parenthood altogether.
Can’t pass on generational trauma if there’s no next generation 🙂
- Hypocrisy and Double Standards
A common frustration is the perceived hypocrisy of leaders and elders, who may preach certain values but fail to uphold them themselves. This erodes trust and can lead to cynicism. Overcoming this requires holding people accountable and promoting transparency. Youths feel gaslighted when elders behave hypocritically.
“Guai Guai Diam Diam & its underlying Confucius Thoughts” which manipulate/gaslight common folks to be “Servility” (奴性) and pile all responsibilities on the common folks while the elites can get away with hypocritical bullshit behavior.
- Ending Hazing Culture
Hazing rituals in schools, universities, and workplaces persist despite efforts to eradicate them. These practices can be physically and psychologically damaging. Changing this requires a zero-tolerance policy and a culture of respect and inclusivity. Hazing is still rampant in some Singaporean universities and workplaces.
How to Change, Can?
- Open Communication
Start by having open and honest conversations with your family about your values and beliefs. Explain why you disagree with certain traditions and how they impact you. Listen to their perspectives, even if you don’t agree with them. Set clear boundaries and expectations.
- Seek Therapy and Support
I am in therapy to unlearn the toxic traits I’ve picked up from my parents. It’s not easy but it’s worth it.
Therapy can provide a safe space to process past experiences and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Support groups can offer a sense of community and validation. There are many affordable therapy options available in Singapore, like those offered at polyclinics.
- Lead by Example
The best way to change traditions is to model the behavior you want to see. Treat your children with respect and empathy. Challenge discriminatory attitudes and behaviors. Promote equality and inclusivity in your own life. Show others that there’s a better way.
I make it a point to teach my kids about respect and empathy. I want them to grow up knowing that everyone deserves to be treated with kindness.
